


The Way Home

by Thebigbadwolfandlittlered



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, The Book Thief - Freeform, Tony Stark Has A Heart, steve probably has ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4190961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebigbadwolfandlittlered/pseuds/Thebigbadwolfandlittlered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers has nightmares and doesn't need any saving. Tony Stark just happens to show up with a book on nights plagued by nightmares. Tony reading out loud just happens to sooth Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm re-reading The Book Thief which is my all time favorite book and I just thought about how much Steve would enjoy this book, and how much he would relate to Liesel. You don't have to read the book to understand this fic, but I highly recommend reading it because it is so good. Really.
> 
> Beta'd by heyletsfuckdean (Follow him on tumblr he's 10/10)
> 
> Remaining mistakes are mine.

_"I have kept her story to retell. It is one of the small legion I carry, each one extraordinary in its own right. Each one an attempt- an immense leap of an attempt- to prove to me that you, and your human existence, are worth it._

_Here it is. One of a handful._

The Book Thief.

_If you feel like it, come with me. I will tell you a story._

_I'll show you something."_

_-_ The Book Thief, page 15

 

 

Steve had nightmares. The kind that made him wake with a jolt and search the room for his demons. He dreams of snow, and trains, and ice. He dreams of the cold. He dreams of bridges and men on them. He dreams of a world made of metal and floating cities. His dreams made bile rise in his throat, and depending on the night and the dream, he had to run to the bathroom to purge the nightmare into the toilet.

He never falls back asleep after a nightmare.

After one particularly bad nightmare he left his private floor of the Avengers Tower to go to the main kitchen to make tea in hopes that would be enough to calm him down. His hands were shaking and his chest had a sort of rattle to it, but he was mainly hoping that it would go away if he ignored it long enough.

His legs shook slightly with each step to the elevator and when the doors closed so did his eyes but all he saw was ice so he quickly opened them again. He pushed the button for the designated floor and sighed as he looked up.

“JARVIS?” Steve called out voice just above a whisper.

“ _Yes, Captain Rogers?_ ” Came the equally quiet reply.

“Can you give me the time, please?” Steve asked before clenching his jaw and again willing his hands to stop shaking.

“ _The time is 3:18 in the morning, Captain._ ” JARVIS intoned. Steve just wished he could have gotten another half hour of sleep at least.

The elevator doors opened and Steve walked to the kitchen to grab his hidden box of tea. He learned early on that if you wanted something to yourself in the kitchen you would have to think of a clever place to put it, or else it was game for anyone. Unless you wrote your name on it and your name was Natasha.

Steve’s breath was still rattling in his chest and his muscles still felt strained everywhere. He grabbed a mug from the cupboard and the kettle and moved to fill it with water. After he turned the burner on it was a waiting game. He had to wait for the water to boil and he needed something to do with his hands, which were still shaking. Steve felt frustration build up slowly in the pit of his stomach and his hands clenched into fists.

“-adding another relay board and tell me if the suit can handle it.” Steve turned his head towards the elevator as he heard the doors open and a voice carry out. It was none other than Tony Stark. Steve needed to get a handle on himself. He tried to relax and calm down but the point was moot, he was too riled up. And he knew Tony noticed something was amiss when the genius stopped dead in his tracks after seeing Steve.

Steve clenched his jaw and turned to face the kettle on the stove instead of looking at Tony. He heard footsteps slowly approach and move to the coffeemaker, but there was no movement to actually make coffee.

Steve and Tony were on better terms than they used to be. They weren’t calling each other up for slumber parties by any means, but they were friendly. They called each other by their first names at least.

“What’re you making?” Tony asked even though it was clear Steve was making tea. He thought of not answering, but they were doing so well in terms of not hating each other.

“Tea.” Steve answered simply wanting something to do with his hands desperately. At least he wasn’t trapped in his own thoughts now.

Tony paused and Steve wanted to turn and look at his face but couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Mind making some for two?” Came a question that was more like a statement and this time Steve did turn to look at Tony. What the hell was he playing at? Was Steve still dreaming, or was this just a 3am delusion? Well, no matter what it was, Steve wouldn’t be rude. He nodded and then moved to grab another mug from the cupboard.

Steve didn’t really know what to say, didn’t feel like saying anything really, with thoughts of his most recent nightmare fresh on his mind.

“I was going to make coffee. But I’ve been up for so long, I don’t even remember what project I was working on five minutes ago so maybe it’s time to rest a couple hours huh?” Tony said, more like rambled really.

“How long have you been up?” Steve couldn’t help himself from asking.

“JARVIS?” Tony asked as he leaned against the counter.

“65 hours and 48 minutes sir.” Tony nodded and smiled at Steve.

“That long.” He didn’t seem surprised or even tired really, and Steve was sure that Tony could have gone a few more hours without rest, not that Steve wanted him to, God himself knows that man needs more sleep, but it was just a surprise he was giving up coffee and work to take a moment with Steve.

Steve just looked at Tony for a moment. Trying to figure out what was going on, because this wasn’t normal. None of this was normal. Yet again they weren’t normal. The silence between them was cut by the whistle from the kettle telling Steve his water was done. He poured the hot water into both mugs with tea bags already setting at the bottom. He handed Tony his mug and held his own between his palms and found the heat was enough to relax his hands and steady them.

The feeling in his chest had loosened slightly and he’d probably be fine after his tea and be ready for a morning run with perfectly steady legs. He had a fleeting thought of maybe the tea wasn’t the only reason he was able to calm down but shook the thought as quickly as it had appeared.

Steve realized he’d been staring at the same spot at the counter and just holding his mug without moving. He must have looked like an idiot to Tony. He clenched his jaw and internally cursed himself. He was Captain America for Christ's sake.

“I used to get them too.” Tony’s voice spoke up quietly. Was this even Tony Stark? “Well, I still do, if I’m being honest.” Steve didn’t even want to look at Tony.

“I’m fine.” Steve found himself saying, not moving his eyes from the spot on the counter.

Tony stood up straight and then rested a hand on Steve’s shoulder and he was vaguely proud for not flinching. “You’ll be okay.” Tony said as he walked back towards the elevator and then disappeared with his mug of tea.

 

* * *

 

Tony and Steve didn’t really talk about it. It never came up again and they didn’t meet each other in the kitchen after nightmares again. Steve wrote it to be an anomaly and moved on; forgetting about the whole thing entirely.

Until he had another nightmare.

Well, it wasn’t just any nightmare, it was a pretty awful one. He woke up screaming which rarely ever happened. His fists were clenching the sheets so hard they actually ripped under his strength. He ran to the bathroom and gave up dinner. He wasn’t getting better, and it was slowly becoming a problem and if it officially became A Problem, he wasn’t really sure what he’d do. He was jarred out of his thoughts sitting on the bathroom floor when his phone began to ring. He stood up and went to answer it. Tony Stark’s picture flashed across his phone screen underlined with his name. He furrowed his brows but answered.

“Rogers.” He said into the line.

“Do you like books?” Of course, Tony would pass all formalities.

“What?” Steve asked unsure what was happening. His hands were shaking and sweat was still covering his body.

“Books. Do you like them?” Tony asked again as if asking a toddler.

“Yes. I like books, Tony why are you asking-” Steve didn’t get to finish the question.

“Have you ever read The Book Thief?” Steve wasn’t even sure what to say other than to just answer.

“No, I have not.” He sat down on the bed and tried to ignore the bile still sitting in the back of his throat.

“Great. I’ll be there in 5.” Tony said and Steve could hear a slight rustling on the other side of the line.

“What? Tony no,” Of course then the line disconnected. What the hell? Tony was coming to his floor? His room? The sheets were ripped and it was quite clear what had happened here. Steve picked up the watch he had sitting on the bedside table and saw it was 2:30. He signed and moved to go brush his teeth in the bathroom and wait for Tony to get there.

He looked himself in the mirror and saw the black under his eyes and how his skin looked pale and clammy, still covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He quickly brushed his teeth to rid his mouth of the taste of nightmares and then moved to look at the bed. He brought a hand up to rub at his temple then lowered it to see how badly it was shaking. It was a really bad nightmare. They were just getting worse-

There was a knock at the door.

He steeled himself to tell Tony that it was late, and he didn’t want to keep the older man awake. He opened the door and didn’t even get the chance to open his mouth as Tony came in and sat at one of the chairs at a table a few feet away from the bed.

“Lay down. Or sit down. I don’t really care, it’s your life. Just get comfortable.” Tony had a book in his hands and Steve was expecting a tablet with a book already loaded up. He saw Tony as an ereader kind of person. A lot of things about Tony were weird lately. Steve sighed in resignation and moved to sit at the chair across from Tony.

“What book is this again?” Steve asked as his hid his shaking hands under the table.

“The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak. It’s a brilliant book really. One of my favorites.” Tony said as he opened the book up to the first page.

“What’s it- what’s it about?” Steve asked with a slightly shaking voice. Everything about him was shaky as if he was shaking down to his very foundation.

“A girl named Liesel Meminger who lives in Germany in the 1940’s. She has a fascination in books and steals a few, earning her title as The Book Thief.” Tony said vaguely. Steve rose an eyebrow in interest. Tony caught onto it. “Wanna know one of my favorite things about this book?” Tony asked leaning forward with a whisper like he was about to reveal a secret. Steve nodded seriously and Tony flashed him a small lopsided grin. “It’s told from Death’s point of view.” Now that really piqued Steve’s interest.

“Okay.” Steve said, giving Tony all of his attention. Tony smiled and leaned back in his chair and started to read to Steve.

“ _”Prologue, a mountain range of rubble…”_ ”

Steve quickly found himself absorbed in the book. The way it was narrated. The description of the colors, and the characterization of Death. The way Tony’s voice sounded as he read every word had Steve absolutely memorized. The genius’ voice was deep and quiet. It was almost a gentle rumble in his chest and warmed Steve. Tony’s voice was almost… soft. It was tentative, but somehow still sure of each word. Steve was relaxing page by page and he didn’t even realize when his hands stopped shaking. Before he knew it, he was yawning. He hoped Tony wouldn’t notice so he would keep reading.

“ _”In the darkness, Liesel kept her eyes open. She was watching the words.”_ ” Tony then looked away from the book and to Steve.

“We’re not stopping are-” Steve said ‘we’ through his yawn. Tony nodded.

“I think we’re good for the night. I marked our place for next time.” Tony said standing up and stretching. He started to walk towards the door.

“Tony?” Steve asked, turned to look at the man.

“Yeah?” He asked through a yawn of his own.

“There will be a next time?” Steve asked, hating how unsure his voice sounded.

Tony smiled a little. “Yeah. Of course. I can’t wait to see how much you love the ending of the book.” Then with a wink the genius was gone.

* * *

 

It worked a lot like the tea incident. They didn’t talk about it. They didn’t go out of their way to talk to the other. They carried on like it had never happened. Steve was starting to wonder if there would actually be a next time.

“Bucky!” Steve shoot up in bed and searched the room for his friend. He was right there, right in front of him… Steve felt the air shutter out of his body and he curled up against the headboard, succumbing to his demons as they stole his air and shook his body.

Then there was a knock at the door.

Steve opened his eyes to look over at the door and waited.

There was another knock.

He slowly breathed out and moved to the edge of the bed and planted both feet on the floor. He tried to put himself back together. He stood up and went to open the door. Tony walked right in and Steve tried to smile but couldn’t even feel his cheeks. He closed the door and sat down across from Tony just like he had the other night. Tony didn’t say anything; just opened the book.

 

“ _”The Smell of Friendship- It continued. Over the next few weeks and into summer, the midnight class began at the end of each nightmare.”_ ”

Steve got lost in the story and in Tony’s voice. He didn’t miss a single detail, nor a single shift of voice. The story spoke to his past, and to his heart. But Tony, he spoke to his hands and legs, willing them to stop shaking with pain. His voice wandered into his lungs and filled them with air, and snaked down his spine through to his muscles and convinced them to relax and release their tension. His voice caressed his eyelids and made them grow heavy with sleep. He pulled yawns from Steve’s body and somehow noticed without ever taking his eyes from the page.

Steve couldn’t take his eyes from Tony’s face, and so it was a surprise when Tony kept reading but would look from the page and then to Steve. Like he wasn’t just reading this part out loud, but reading it to Steve.

“ _”When Liesel left that day, she said something with great uneasiness. In translation, two giant words were struggled with, carried on her shoulder, and dropped as a bungling pair at Ilsa Hermann’s feet. They fell off sideways as the girl veered with them and could no longer sustain their weight. Together, they sat on the floor, large and loud and clumsy. ***Two giant Words***”_ ”

Tony looked right into Steve’s eyes.

“ _”I’m sorry”_ ”

Steve’s breath left his chest in one gasp. Tony stopped reading and just held Steve’s gaze. They looked at each other, and Steve understood what Tony was saying. ‘I’m sorry about your nightmares’ Steve nodded and looked down at the table. Tony looked down at the book and read to the end of the chapter and then stood up and left.

Tony Stark was an enigma.

* * *

 

They went on like that. Steve would wake from a truly awful nightmare and he would wait and then there’d be a knock at the door. Tony would come in and they would read. More like Tony would read and Steve would listen with rapt attention.

One night after Steve had yawned his fair share, and Tony was standing- getting ready to leave, Steve reached out to grab Tony’s hand.

“Stay?” Steve asked looking up at Tony. He looked down at Steve’s hand with shock and then looked at Steve. Tony nodded and then set the book down on the table.

Tony slept on the left side of the bed with Steve on the right. They stuck to their respective sides that night as they slept.

Than that too, became ritual.

Steve would have a scream inducing nightmare and Tony would come; book in hand. Sometimes they would sit at the table, but more often than not they would lay on the bed and read until they were practically falling asleep. Steve would turn the lights off and they would sleep. As this continued, Tony and Steve would stick to their side of the bed less and less until Steve would wake every morning for his run tangled up with Tony; unable to tell where the genius ended and the soldier began.

* * *

 

Steve no longer counted his days by nightmares, but by the clicks of Tony’s throat, and the way he spoke German from the book with ease. He counted the days he existed by the way Tony would use a German accent when voicing characters. He lost himself in the conversations about Death’s narration, and who was their favorite character, and their equal adoration of Max. Steve would count time passing, by the turning of pages, and the heat of Tony wrapped up with Steve. The nightmares continued, but so did the reading, so did the book, and so did Tony.

* * *

 

“There’s only about 50 pages left in the book.” Tony said after the Avengers finished a movie night and were about to leave to go to their respective rooms. Tony had broken an unestablished rule of not talking about it outside of Steve’s room but he didn’t really feel bad about it, because the way this was going, it was looking like he would get Tony to read him the rest of the book in one go. More importantly, he’d actually get to fall asleep with Tony for the first time in an evening.

“We’re getting to the end.” Steve nodded in agreement with a spark of excitement in his chest. Tony flashed that small smile again.

“Wanna read it now?” Tony asked and Steve was agreeing before the sentence was even finished. They both hurried down to Steve’s room and got comfortable in bed. Tony grabbed the box of tissues and tossed them at Steve. He grabbed them and looked inquiringly at Tony.

“What’s this for?” He asked looking confused.

“For the end.” Tony answered with a wink.

 

“ _”The End of the World (Part 1)- Again, I offer you a glimpse of the end.”_ ”

* * *

 

Steve was sobbing. Absolutely sobbing.

“That- that book was beautiful.” He said through his sobs. Tony was looking at him endearingly. “That was just so- so sad.” He said for what was probably the 15th time, but he couldn’t help it. It really was sad.

“But good book yeah?” Tony said setting the book on his side table.

Steve nodded vigorously. “Yes. I see why it’s one of your favorites.” He continued on. He wiped at the tears on his cheeks. “Thank you, Tony. Really thank you. For- for taking the time to read to me, and for sharing that with me-” Steve was cut of as lips were suddenly pressed against his. It was a shock to say none the less. He was a sobbing mess, with tears still running down his cheeks and his nose was stuffed up. Naturally, Tony thought that must have been the perfect time to kiss Steve. None of that really stopped Steve from kissing back of course. This was Tony. The man who would read to him until his hands stopped shaking from his nightmare, and the man who would chase away demons with soft words and gentle tones.

This was Tony Stark, the man whom he had fallen for in between his nightmares and the words of The Book Thief.

* * *

 

They started to talk about it. They would hang out outside of their nighttime ritual which had developed into going to sleep, Steve waking up from a nightmare, Tony holding him through the worst of it, and then pulling out whatever book they were reading at that time until they were both tired enough to fall back asleep. Sometimes Tony would be the one who awoke with a start, and that’s when Steve got to tell stories of his own. Tales of the Howling Commandos and the adventures they went on. He would tell Tony about a small sickly boy who would mouth off to awful people and get into fights behind dinners with bullies, only to be so rudely interrupted by a good friend.

“Thank you.” Tony would say on those nights.

“What on Earth for?” Steve would reply from the darkness.

“For saving me.” Tony would reply and Steve would give a quiet laugh and kiss Tony.

“You have it all backwards, Tony.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to tell me if you liked it. :)
> 
> Follow me at tumblr under the same name.
> 
> Um so haha also, about the other fic I'm writting no one panic, I'll finish it okay everythings fine nothings wrong, really I'll finish it haha lol nothing to see here


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